Friday, December 13, 2013

Elf on a Shelf: Letting Our Creative Skills Shine

I know that the Elf on a Shelf is all the rage, but I'm one of those slacker parents who refuses to participate.  My reason for this is threefold: 

1.  I try not to do anything that takes away even a few precious minutes of sleep.
2.  I'm not that creative at 11:00 at night.
3.  It seems that many ideas require a mess of some sort and I'm not on board with that.

Yes, my children will be deprived of the whole Elf on a Shelf experience.  But that's okay.  They need something to talk to their therapist about anyway.

I've seen so many pictures from friends and family members, showcasing their creative talents with this little doll who, frankly, creeps me out a little bit.  It's already a little strange that we tell kids, "Don't talk to strangers, but if you happen to see a large fat man dressed in fur in the living room...he's okay."  Now we're telling them, "If you make a mess you'll be punished, but if this little troll in tights comes around and spills cereal all over the place for fun every day for a should be really excited"...that's a little odd to me.

Of course, there will always be someone who takes the merriment a little too far.  Some parent who comes home from Happy Hour with their co-workers and decides to have a little extra fun with the Elf.  Some Mom who has finally hit her limit and had the nervous breakdown she has deserved for a good long while.  And definitely some Dads who decide that just perching some stupid elf up on a shelf just isn't good enough.

My hat's off to  you.

This one had to be a dad.  No way would some mom have one of Santa's elves handling her feminine hygiene products.  The best part is...the joke is on him.  Because if I were her...I'd make my husband explain what those are used for when the kids ask.  And you know they will.

However this was intended, I can tell you right now that I've seen enough Law & Order SVU to know that whatever that elf is about to do to that monkey is not consensual. 

I could see this being a really cute idea.  Until about 3:00 in the morning when one of my three kids goes into the bathroom half asleep and either pees all over the place because they're not paying attention to the fact that the lid is permanently down...or pees all over the place because they can't get the toilet unwrapped.  Either way, it's going to interrupt my sleep.  So I'm going to give this idea a pass.

Ahhhh...yes.  The creepiest combination in the world:  Elf on a Shelf and Miley Cyrus.  Whoever came up with this one needs a little therapy.

Now, this one by far is my favorite.  Ol' JT and DJ Master Elf re-enacting one of the funniest Saturday Night Live skits of all-time.  Whoever thought of this one is a creative genius. (And no, I'm not going to name the skit.  My mom reads this blog.  It has to do with something in a box.  Google it.)

It seems that many of these Elf on a Shelf scenes would not be possible without the help of Barbie.  And as is the case with this unfortunate scene, made by the dad who hopefully took a cab home from wherever he's been, she is not usually cast as the happy homemaker or the properly dressed doctor...but the stripper using what looks like a banana hanger as a pole.  .
Again...funny, but I'd be forced to have a conversation with my kids I'm hoping to avoid during the holiday season.  I'm trying to save the menage a trois discussion for a more appropriate time - like my grandmother's deathbed or just before I drop my kids off at Sunday School.

Don't kid yourselves, people.  Profiling can happen anywhere to anyone.

I swear...there's always one guy in every office....