|image from gawker.com|
It's been a long time since I've had an imaginary friend - at least 2 years - and I know from experience that they can be nice to have around. For one, they never argue with you and always want to do what you want to do. If one of your pesky "real" friends comes up with a plan you don't want to do, you can always back out saying that you have plans with Jarvis, your imaginary friend. And then, when you're a child, there's the obvious - "I didn't make that mess. Jarvis did it."
But in all of my wild imagining, I never thought to create an imaginary significant other. And now I feel like I've really missed out on something.
As the whole world knows, Manti Te'o of the Notre Dame football team made news this morning because of his girlfriend. Or his lack thereof.
After meeting in 2009, the two apparently hit it off as friends and carried on a long-term, long-distance relationship until her untimely death in the Fall of 2012. His heart broken, Te'o continued to play the season in her memory and was covered by the national media as a remarkable man going through unimaginable loss.
Ah HA! But was it, in fact, imagined?
The holes in his story began to emerge just before Christmas, apparently, and reached a climax this week. And all I can say about that is that Lance Armstrong must be breathing a sigh of relief that that silly little doping debacle he's gotten himself into seems to have slipped to story #2.
And while the rest of the country is wondering why he did this - theories ranging from a possible publicity stunt to he's gay and trying to hide it - all I've been wondering why didn't I think of this???
I mean, it's got to be cheaper, having a fake significant other because you won't ever find yourself at the end of dinner with some guy sheepishly saying, "I forgot my wallet. Can you get it this time?" You don't have to share your popcorn at the movies. And they don't snore.
An imaginary significant other will never disappoint you and will always listen when you talk. They won't argue with you about that foreign film you want to go see. If it doesn't work out, you don't have to worry about them posting unflattering things about you on Facebook. And you never have to explain when you just want time alone.
And so does my new boyfriend Jarvis.