It Was Miss Scarlett in the Spa with a Dumbbell. Wait. What???

As a mom, I have been waiting for my kids to be old enough to enjoy the things that I do.  Or force them to do those activities anyway while I can still boss them around.

Anyway, I've always been a person who enjoys playing games - I love Phase 10 (both dice and cards), have cut-throat games of Rummikube with my parents, and almost didn't graduate from college because my roommates and I got so addicted to a card game that left us no time to study.

In recent weeks, I have been talking to my kids about buying the game Clue.  I loved it as a kid and now 2 out of 3 of my children are old enough to understand how to play and the youngest one will probably catch on immediately (even though she's only 6) and beat the pants off the rest of us.  So last night, we stopped by the store and bought it.  And when I opened it up, one thought crossed my mind.

What the hell is this?

There is now a spa in the mansion.  Professor Plum and Colonel Mustard are not distinguished old gentlemen but metro-sexual yuppies with designer glasses and perfect wardrobes.  At the end of the game, we found out that Miss Scarlett had offed someone with a dumbbell, something I don't even think existed in the 1980s outside of Arnold Schwarznegger's home. 

I'm kind of worried that the next time I play, it will be Mrs. White in the kitchen with a botched botox injection.

Anyway, that got me thinking about what other games could be updated from my childhood.  For example:  I'm worried that Chutes and Ladders will no longer be the same.  In order to go down a chute, one must sign a release that you won't sue in case of injury and the ladders will be replaced with escalators to get you to your destination.

Monopoly will be renamed Foreclosure with all of the prices on the real-estate cards slashed in red to indicate the buyer's market it is now.  Cash will no longer be included in the game and it will come with its own credit card swiper.  A banker will no longer be needed  - but someone will need to take on the role of Credit Counselor.

Candyland will keep its name but instead of the peanut brittle house, there will be a frozen yogurt stand and the molasses swamp will be replaced by a Lifetime Fitness.  Children will no longer pull cards that send them back to the candy cane or the dreaded heart and will instead have to backtrack to the Fruit Snacks that don't contain high-fructose corn syrup or the gluten-free chocolate cookie with sugar-free sprinkles.

Battleship won't be worth playing after budget cuts.

The Game of Life will be updated to include a surprise college pregnancy and at least 3 layoffs.  

Scrabble will be obsolete because no one can function without spell-check.

And then I guess all of my childhood games will fit the life my kids are leading now.